MS. SHAN RANTS: Where’d The Good Men Go?
Where’d The Good Men Go?
by Ms.Shan
I’m so confused, that I had to get a damn 10-way phone call going with some of my friends – One being a guy, because he loves catty drama & gossip from women. Plus, he’s that male feedback that we need while bashing men. And yes folks, I did say 10-way phone call in case you’re looking like, “What The?” This is what we do…
Being that I am just coming out of a marriage (off the market a total of 8 years) it appears that I have missed some stuff. Now I don’t know if men’s “game” has actually gotten weaker or whacker, because it has been a while. That being said, I am totally confused as to why it appears that most men I meet assume that sex is a given. My first thought is, “Hold up buddy. Your game ain’t that tight!” I find myself reminding them that [1] I can’t get dick if I cant get any sleep. You can’t just keep me out in the streets all times of the night. [2] I get nervous thinking about the potential diseases that they could be passing on to me. He could have HDITV or some other disease a bitch ain’t never heard of; shit, next thing you know, you cocked over the side of the bed, foaming out the mouth immediately after sex! Guys need to know how to keep it real, and treat a lady like a lady. What ever happened to the simple times? You know, going to his family’s house on a Saturday for Chek sodas & salty, gritty greens. Don’t act like ya’ll don’t know what I mean.
I’m not trying to be prissy or anything, but umm… I’m not the female who thinks that going out to eat means fast food. NEGATIVE! We must go put our feet under the table and pretend that we are Jay-Z & Beyonce. I have a short story for you: Once, I was asked by a prospective date, where I wanted to eat at one evening. I replied, “Darumas Japanese Steak House.” Okay, most of you all know that the steak house is around $20 per plate, right? Well guess what? I never heard from that bad-skin twigga again! Ole’ broke-ass ratchet! You could have just said that you had coupons for the Crab House. That would have at least got you a sniff of this garlic butter vagina. That’s Right! I said it. LoL.
I would like to revisit my opening question, “What Happen To Them?” What happened to the nice guys that dated you because they were interested in getting to know who YOU are? The ones who want to know your dreams and the goals you’ve set out to accomplish. The men who took you for a nice, innocent evening out – without trying to pull that fake yawn move; just so he can slip his arm behind your head, lean in with his dryer-hot temperature breath clearing up the acne on your skin, for a kiss… [Wow i got nauseous just thinking about that!]
So many of my friends are coming out of divorces or dating, all giving different versions of the same story. Funny thing; when I ask men “Where Did The Good Men Go,” they have an interesting theory. They seem to feel that at some point, early in the dating, women are SUPPOSED to give up the Ill-Nah’Nah. Well gentleman, I disagree. I’m not trying to have sex with you just because YOU feel it is the next step. Hell, I’ve been getting this back broke for 8 years, and I’m trying to regain my damn strength, so miss me with that foolishness.
Folks, help me with my dilemma. Do I continue dating these $5 footlong buying brothers that look at me crazy when i ask, “Can I get extra pickles on my sammich?” and settle – or do I just continue being positive-thinking and date with the hope that my Duval Denzel Washington will appear? [Wow that made me moist! LoL]
~Ms.Shan
**Sound off, tell me what you think about my dilemma. Tell me about bad experiences you have had on your recent dates.**
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Do not lower your standards for anyone! If he can’t take you to the steakhouse.. then he obviously isn’t worth your time.
The good men are out there! Just have fun while you’re waiting for your prince charming. And don’t give up your garlic butter goodies until you are ready! If he is worth it, he will wait.
Peace, Luv, Stay Blessed and FABLIS!
Thats what i was thinkin Fablis,i’ll just keep my garlic butterd legs closed girl until my Duval Denzel come..while eatin a $5 footlong wit all the pickles i want on it..
Good read Shan.
Well…most dudes these days see that the caliber of women have decreased…aka women accept any and everythin’…JUST to get a man…so when they see such, they include every woman in the equation. If you don’t show him that you’re ’bout business (in a significant matter…not on some “I’ma show ‘em I’ma ignorant lady), then he’ll continue to think that you are of a lower standards. If you show him that you’re ’bout business, his pimp will die and he’ll get genuine w/ ya.
They’re out there. You just gettin’ out of a situation…let ya mind and soul breathe for a minute. Get in tune w/ yourself before bringin’ that invisible bag in the next relationship (ya might not think it’s there…but it is). That’s folks problem…they don’t get in tune into themselves and never know who they really are ’til they’re in a relationship and make things confusin’ for yourself and the other party. Car crash syndrome.
Breathe and get in tune w/ Ms. Shan first…I’m sure when ya good at that, Denzel will be smilin’.
Keep ‘em comin’ friend!!!!
Ms.Shan…all I can say is that you have kept it real & hit the nail on the head. The women feel like they have to lower their standards just to have a man AND then most of the time they are SHARING him & just don’t know it. The game is getting OLD,COLD, TIRED & BORING. I thought it was just me…that EVERY guy I meet…starts talking about sex AFTER asking my name…LOLzzzz
It is ridiculous & then they get upset when you say that you tired of hearing that and what makes urs so special?….I HAVE YET TO HAVE ONE (wee-wee that is) THAT COULD PAY THE MORTGAGE !!!! It’s just a sign of the times… & what’s even worse…the ones that are MARRIED…acting like they SINGLE…(Just opened a can of worms…next blog)
@ Al Pete….well said…BRAVO !!!
Thanx Mr Al Pete,
Actually i think that to myself ALOT! But then when i get lonely for company and i guess its the company i’m choosing to date is the problem..It’s like i’m a magnet for the SAME type..Then i wonder am i carrying myself in such manner to attract these same lame heads??
But yes your correct,i should just sit back,relax,eat crabs & drink cranksas & get to know SHAN again before i can introduce her to that DAPPER DENZEL *smiles*
*laughs* @ Open A Can Of Worms…
Gone ‘TALK IT ABOUT’ friend.. you know we HERE *does eye movement* on this situation..
But we have to be patient,cross our legs & sing ‘LEAN ON ME’
Thanx Luv ~MUAH~
I too have had my share of bad dating experiences and I never settled because setting will leave you miserable and a mad black woman. I finally found my Duval Denzel…lol….and trust me it was well worht the wait…there is a shortage of GOOD men out here…but they are out here….
HI GUYS!!! First off Shan you have me dying laughing about “being cocked over the side of the bed foaming out of the mouth right after sex” I agree with Mr Al to a point on this one. I think that the caliber of woman has changed which has, in turn, led to men feeling like they can get over with any ole thing, which most times attention craving, lonely women allow. BUT I feel like some women have done that out of necessity. They feel that theres no good men out there so they deal with men on their own terms and have resorted to accepting any ole thing!
I, too, am at a loss when it comes to the question where the good men have gone. What happened to the times where a man would get out of school, have his edjumacation (yes I said it) and be rearing to get out and make a life for him AND HIS FAMILY? Men back in the day seemed to be more interested in being responsible, standing up and doing the right thing without things like costly dinners and courting get i the way. He seemed to know the value of a good woman by your side and did what he needed to in order to have her!
With that being said, I think ya should assess whatcha want from the situations with these various men. If its something casual and fancy free then its no use in holding them to standards and such because its not worth it to ya. BUT if ya serious bout pursuing something, then hold them to a higher standard. Me, I just deal when I want, and when its not fun anymore, I change my number!…lol….another thing that was formed out of necessity…but I digress! :0}
Ms Drea you made me think of ‘DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN’ in some of your comment..Oh how i’ve had those days where i’d risk a life sentence for filetin one like a mullet..
And of course i’d quickly play that crazy role,rockin back-n-forth wrap’d up in a Dora The Explorer sheet wearing a turban & hurache sandals so when judge look’d at me he’d knew i wasn’t in my right mind for dicin that clown up like peaches & i’d be set free..
Anywhoo…Patience is a virtue i’ve been told,so i must apply
DUVAL DIAMOND You & Mr Al Pete got me re-arrangin numbers in my DICKtionary(celly) accordin to how the behavior *laughs*..
I totally agree & as is aid b4 when that OL EVIL FLESH arouse like Hurricane Katrina & i THINK i want 2 be wit someone then yeah i call up a looser,but then once i’m around them most time that urge go away cause that bologna lip twigga ians’t what i really want..
May be ridin the bench a while on this decision…thanx luv
You’re right Shan! I’m still laughing at that “garlic butter vagina” though! lmao
Ms. Shan
Honey you know I luv this…Being I’m one of your friends going thru a divorce after 17years with children…the dating game for me is like Whoa! Or should I say like obsolete…I’m afraid I sometimes fall in that damage good category…I been hurt and betrayed so deeply until trusting another is like HELL NO! lol
Then you got the children factor, momma gotta be careful for the kids. Then you got the men that think my dating is an interview for a new daddy~umm fellas~just bc a woman has children and is single dont mean uhh she dont have a baby daddy-get a grip~Please!! lol
So Ms.Shan back to you bc I don’t want to go on and on…I’m so glad you put this out here…Thanks for keep it real…!
Luv Ya Friend_Girl! Lmao
Its me again guys!…..I hear you guys say that you have been outta the dating game and now its like whoa! Hell, Ive been in the game and I still feel its like whoa! Im not sure if its the traditional values that I grew up on that make me view many things in a different manner or what but Im dumbfounded as well…lolol…..
@ 1st lady, you are no ones damaged anything! Youre great and I dont even know you. Youre still standing after a divorce with kids. That right there to me, is cause to think of yourself as awesome, beautiful, resourceful, and FULL of love!!!!!…..
MS. Shan I understand where your coming from by me being in a relationship for 5 years 3 kids and was trying to get married but just dont see that happening I ask the same question. Where are all the good men? Did they get on a one way boat into another country but just when you think you have a good one surprises always pops up like a jack-o-lantern I love this story girl keep it coming.
Ms.Shan,
Funny thing that you wrote this because I was just having a conversation about this very thing last night w/ one of my home girls down south…I think that men focus on the outter appearance and expect the inside to be what we’re looking for but get the opposite. Instead of looking for that eye candy, sit down and get to know a person…you may find out that the person you least expected to vibe with has the potential that you are looking for..I,for one, being single for the past ummmm…3 yrs plus am tired of finding all the frogs just to get to my prince here in Duval…where ARE all the good men that think chivalry is STILL alive???….SMH
MY RESPONSE TO THIS IS THAT THERE ARE STILL GOOD MEN OUT THERE. SOMETIMES WE NEED TO CHECK WHERE WE ARE MEETING THEM. MOST CLUBS ARE UNFORTUNATELY “MEAT FACTORIES”. IT IS A PICK UP SPOT. ALSO THERE ARE A LOT OF WOMEN OUT THERE WHO SLEEP WITH MEN ON THE FIRST DATE, SETTLE FOR MCDONALDS INSTEAD OF MAGGIANOS,THINK A MAN CALLING THEM A B***H IS CUTE AND A TERM OF ENDEARMENT. WE SOMETIMES LOOK PAST A GOOD MAN BECAUSE HE IS NOT CUTE ENOUGH, NOT RICH ENOUGH, DOES NOT DRIVE A BMW, DOES NOT HAVE A 6 PACK, ETC. NOW I’M NOT ASKING ANYONE TO LOWER THEIR STANDARDS BUT PLEASE REMEMBER BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP BUT UGLY IS TO THE BONE. EVERYTHING THAT LOOKS GOOD TO YOU IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU. MY FINAL SUGGESTION IS TO BE PATIENT AND LET GOD BRING THAT GOOD MAN TO YOU INSTEAD OF THINKING YOU ARE A BETTER JUDGE OF WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU THAN GOD AND SEARCHING FOR MR. RIGHT YOURSELF.
Lmao @ “broke-a** rachet”. Where is this side of Ms. Shan on twitter? lol I laughed from beginning to end. I’ve pretty much stepped back from the dating scene. I figure when Mr. Right comes along I’ll know. No one really dates anymore & it’s a shame because then they wonder why relationships fail, if they form at all. If the foundation is based on sex/physical, you can’t even hope for anything meaningful to develop. I had someone tell me he wanted to take me out & take me home the same night because it’s a recession & he didn’t have time to “take things slow”. Needless to say that was our 1st & last convo. Then you meet guys who say they don’t believe in going on dates aka spending money. They want to just “hang out” at the house & you get over there & the negroes haven’t even cooked & won’t offer you a glass of city water! And most time “hang out” means they want to sit & talk for a while, watch tv, & play grab ass. I haven’t had to cut anyone in a long time, so the words “hang out” are now a BIG red flag to me. Another possibility to your dilemma if you’re open to it is to also date outside your race. Who says your Denzel couldn’t possibly also be Matthew McConaughey or Antonio Banderas…
I agree with some of the others. One point i want to make is, know the good men definitely not in church, the navy, yo old HS buddy that is now recently divorced but got a reaaal good job, or the club. don’t get me wrong you are bound to find some like/lust/love interest in those places, but the way to find a real good man is be a real good woman. 1.Respect yourself (no that don’t count for what you do w/ your boo in the bdrm, but even then know u can’t pull out all the tricks for everyone)! 2.Love you 3.Be open to change 4.Keep the negatives AWAY and 5.Trust in a higher power that when time is right you will get what is due to you. In the meantime dawg, I’ll have a box with ya & we can dish about the one’s we missed~smooches. love the page!!
I LOVE THIS ARTICLE!!!!!!! It’s a topic even I discuss w/my friends.It’s becoming a MAJOR issue ! HELL I want to know the same thing,DAYUM ,WHERE IS MY DENZEL !!!!!!!
OH-M-GEE!! Yall Have Me In Tears Laughin’.. However ‘EVERYTHING’ you all have said is so to the point & true..
But to clarify something..As for me & some of my friends that disuss this.We’re not so much lookin to JUMP right back in a relationship.However who predicts man’s next move but the higher power..Just good ole time fun if ya feel me without any xtras..
Bascilly to meet that One guy who is Cool,Down to Earth, and for those that KNOW ME! KNOW ME! I need that person wit a personality & sense of humor as mine cause i LOVE to have fun,be free to say things without anyone getting offended yet know my boundaries..But all this without him thinking he gonna get sum cutty cause he bought me steamed snow crab legs from publix which hell was on sale N-T-WAYZ!!
To many sensitive ass men out here also.. but *charlie brown shruggs*
Well what it do Shanzzzzzz good men are there we are not hard to find just may not be in the package you want. In retrospect were are the good women I mean y’all sometimes send out them false friends too you know what I mean. Seriously though a real man should and will respect if you tell him your requirements up front! If want and require realness put that out there and stay true to it and you may have been off the market for few ticks but I’m sure your nose for bull still works! Be patient and get you so he can at some point! I used to be that bad man but after I lost a good woman due to my own foolishness I stopped and took a look at me and made a change for me with me! We all gotta do no matter what others say or think cause your real family gone support and encourage trust!
Misty you may have to take everyone here advise and be patient as i sweetie *exhale* … I need a ‘Waitin To Exhale’ moment actually..
Geezie You are correct my nose is still open to bull.hell look how big it is.it smells shit b4 it even brews up in you tangy ass..I Find that even when i’m up front and honest about what i’ve gone through,men begin to look at me as ‘FIRST LADY’ stated earlier a pity/chartiy ass..or some damaged ass female needing comfort..and their take on comfort is D*C*, ummm NEGATIVE!! i have toys for that..so yes the word PATIENCE comes back into play..And are you being patient waitin on your DIME DIVA sir????
Nice Point Ms. Shan…I agree with you that the good men are hard to find. I for one have been single for three years now and I love it… I have yet to meet the perfect man either…They all expect sex on the first or second date, and I’m not having it…I’m so tired of men only wanting sex that I delete there number as soon as the words roll off there tongs… like my aunt said ” GOD created sex for one thing only and that was to make babies” and she is right…Think about it …how many times have us woman really been satisfied sexually? How many times have we had “minute men”? and then what? all we got out of it was a screw and now were pregnant..I need more..If imma lay down with you I need more then a dinner, I need my bills paid, a shopping spree, a trip out of the country, and u need to enjoy going downtown…Heck sex only last but so long..I need my feel ya dig.
*DEAD w/no need for revivn* Not a minute man *hollors* Yes i’ve surely had my share of those in this lifetime thus far.. And yes again that vulnerable word PATIENCE comes into play…
And i personally try to with hold with the demands cause i assume most men know if they are gonna be an a relationshi than yes helpin her financially IF needed is a respectful..
thanx for stoppin thru Ms APPS
Hey Ms. Shan Diva Gurl…..
Ok I sometimes have a difficult time expressing myself so bear w/ me I hope I come across clear,,,sincere and real..I totally agree with you that men “game” has gotton “weaker and wacker” I believed this whole “its cute and cool to be a disrespectful asshole”/ “its lame to be a sweetheart/gentleman” transition really became acceptable/normal ~around 2005~(—–Thats my opinion—….
I somewhat agree with the fact that women have helped men get away with this unacceptable behavior by spoling men,,,thinking that when a guy acts like a dickhead its cute/cool,,,,and also to many women act in the role of a man…and allow the guys to be sorry sap-sukers….HOWEVER I still put the responsiblity back on the men…Men could take the stand and be good respectable guys if they wanted to but they enjoy being asshole…especially duval men…One thing that I do admire about men is that they tend not to care about finding a good women….They go out enjoy themselves….they travel and met new ppl learn new things….that take time out to better themselves….and when they are finish living in that aspect(i.e. when they fully complete themselves..thats when they settle down and fall in love…I have chosen now to live like a MAN…Im not going to worry or care about where the good men are I just gonna concentrate on myself and COMPLETELY LIVE TO THE FULLEST..and when a man comes along I will take the time out to see if hes a good man or a asshole…if he turns out to be a asshole i will just keep it moving and continue to do me nothing gained nothing loss…IM LIVING MY LIFE LIKE THE MEN DO!
THAT DAMN SHAN!!! CHILE I BE ASKIN MYSELF THEM QUESTIONS LIKE DO I JUST ATTRACT THESE TYPE OF DUDES LIKE I GOTTA DO SOME SELF EVALUATION CAUSE I BE THINKIN IMMA PRETTY GOOD PACKAGE!! I REALLY FELT U ON ALOT OF THE POINTS U MADE. IT REALLY DOES SEEM LIKE ALOT OF THESE MALES ARE AFTER THE POON AND THEY DONT EVEN TRY HARD TO GET IT I MEAN SERIOUSLY NEGRO U CANT EVEN TAKE ME TO A NICE RESTAURANT?? #LOSEMYNUMBER OMG I’M TWITTER TALKIN LOL!! ANYWAY KEEP IT COMIN CHICK!!!
Ms. Shan… My new Twitter/FB friend…
Very good read.. It’s true I here females say all the time.. there are no good men, all good men are either taken or gay, Men aint Ish.. Well… to repeat Katt Williams “No the men you date aint ish, you need to find out what it is about YOU that attracts aint ish men..” I do believe there are good guys out there, and just because you got one Flava Flav.. doesnt mean you will never get you a Denzel, a Jay Z or a Obama… You just have be patient, sit back work on you and trust that when you have everything together your very presence will attract the type of man you want and don’t settle for less than what you deserve..
I wonder the same thing sometimes…It causes me 2 have a head ache, so I’ve stopped wondering. I truely believe that society(black women too) has lowered the expectations of a black man…So in turn He doesn’t expect to do much b/c MUCH isn’t required of Him. I totally understand You Shan.
Courtship is almost extinct & being personable w/someone nowadays is considered texting them, poking them and or IMimming them on AOL, YAHOO, and all the other social networks. Everything has been put in fastforward mode from food 2 male & female into simple conversations!!
As you sttd Shan…We dont have 2 GO 2 the finest restuarant but lets sit down @ a table and conversate in person over dinner and share life & this moment w/out you worrying about the next time Imma give “IT” UP!!!
*I enjoyed reading this SHAN*
She’s baaaaack!
I really don’t have anything to add more than what other have said, but as a charter member of the Blog Fam, you know I had to leave something in this space.
Great read, hun. Keep ‘em coming!
Do not lower your standards! Keep them high because hell I want extrapckles too and maybe a trip to Capital Grill too! I have been single from a marriage for 7 years and my dating horror stories need Microsoft and a publishing house!! Men… Step it up!
Uhmmmmmm, I say the hell with em for now. It’s time to be selfish and focus on self. Elevate to the next level so your dating range changes. Almost like how celebs date celebs. Execs date Execs. Club goers date club goers, etc. You get my drift, sometimes it’s all in the range we find ourselves in that yeild bad quality of men. I mean let’s be real you not gonna find a Denzel backin it up at 2am but, it is possible to find one at the next leadership convention or conference handeling your business. You know the events that most write off as whack as hell. Ain’t nothing like meeting someone in a place where you are both handeling some serious business.
*DEAD* Laffin @ TiaGov sayin Hell with them lets be selfish…Which actually is not a bad idea..
Will keep that in mind.. thanks luv
Hey Ms Shan! You are hilarious…! Thanks for the write up, for your honesty and humor! Very much appreciated and needed! I have to agree with Sherry Stone though…there are still good men out there ladies! Don’t give up, don’t expect to find one in the club, if ya pen pal-ing a jail bird, put up that BIC and up ya standards…don’t settle for mediocrity and if his ass can’t produce a W-2 on demand…take that as a hint. Thanks again Ms Shan…when’s the next play date w/ BeDynamik, homie?!?
J i am laughin @ you honestly..WOW!!! not the jailbird pen-pal TOO HILARIOUS!!! and i totally feel ya on if he cant produce a W2 then that ass needs to be left right on the corner of 45th & Moncrief sellin mangos & urngezzz…
TOO FUNNY!!!! thanx luv ~Muah~
Shan…girl you was preachin to the chore…there are good men out there and there is one being prepared for you. Now all you need to do is prepare yourself for him. Unfortunately your happy meal dates will block the one for you.If your time is tied up with those men that don’t matter when will you have time for the one who do. So drop those zeros and get yourself right.
Now I must put a disclaimer:
You will be bored, impatient, aggrevated, sad, happy, lonely, desperate, angry, relieved, you will simply have good day and some bad days,it will probably be more bad than good, thats you being prepared. Until you can live by yourself, you won’t be able to appreciate living with someone else.
One…my friend!!!
Tameeka
Shan, I really loved this blog, I think you hit the nail right on the head. Ladies please stop accepting any and everything that men diss out to you. My daddy only provided me with the best therefore I expect the same from my mate. It’s not always about how much money he’s got or what you can get out of him. I have someone who truly loves me, he caters to me and I do the same for him. We’re best friends and soulmates all in one. I enjoy being with him, we laugh,cry and pray together and I couldn’t ask for a better mate.
Keep doing you Shan, I love it!!!
Here’s one idea, it may not apply across the board but, it will cover some ground. There was a phase (which for some never ended)where women wanted a thug, a goon or d-boi and had no use for an educated man with goals not “GOLDS”, God in his life instead of just a “GAWDY” cross around his neck with some glass stuck in it. Now as a result of being fashionably passed over for quiet some time by nice “LOOKING” ladies chasing a thug fantasy, the hunting grounds had to change.
So the clubs, bars, traps and usual events got scratched off the list along with the women most likely to be found there. The job, college, church, PTA meetings and what have you made the new list, representing places you’d be when you want something or have something. See you don’t get the genuine article when you shop in the flea market, looking for bargains and with a budget mentality.
Short story…13 years ago and no income to speak of for myself, I met a lady newly single and getting it back on track. Neither of us was looking at the other for financial security or monetary gain. We both wanted a sincere companion, a trustworthy partner and that’s why we’re still together 13 years later.
No I don’t think anyone should lower their standards, just get some realistic ones and stop trying to be “pimptress of the year”. For guys and gals alike, you have to be that person somebody wants to be with before, after and outside of the sex portion of the the attraction. If it was all about sex, I could spot a low self esteem chick who ain’t getting much action and make her day, night or her weekend depending on how much time I had to spare.
Don’t present your financial expectations before your social graces and personality highpoints (if you don’t have either of these…oh well). You approach a man with Ruth Chris money, with one of those Burger King attitudes and he’s going to ask you, “inside or drive thru and which number do you want”.
Don’t get me wrong you can have it your way, there are guys out there who don’t care what you say or how you carry yourself, if you just that fine and sexy to him, he’ll keep the cash flowing and rims spinning. You do your part and call it what ever you like but, please know that it’s just glorified tricking without any real respect or appreciation for each other beyond the bank and bedroom. If you dating a goon or you hittin’ a real hood chick, your goon got another stop to make beside re-up and your hood chick don’t spend that much time at her cousin house.
Raise your lifestyle above the basic ish and then you can really find the quality person you want to make a life with. Reality does however allow BS at all levels of income, so don’t get excited too fast when he pulls in to the new subdivision to show you his place…he may still see you as a take-off and treat you as such.
So right ( I can’t get dick if I cant get any sleep). But on a serious note. It has gotten to a point where some many woman do settle. They take what they can get or end up with nothing. Because they feel they have no other options. So when a grown and sexy WOMAN put their demands in/foot down they (MEN) look at you like you got an arrow through your head. Us as woman have to realize that we worth what we say we are. If you want nothing you get nothing. Stand up for what you want and dont lay down for any ole thing.
For the men.
So men you say you want a good woman. Then you need to act like it. Get your foot out your ass and be a real man. Be real about what you want and how you feel.
the article was nice..I think there are still good men out there and a duval Denzel lurking as well. I believe a lot has to do with where the women at…take a look around ladies are not requiring anything for a little something..we should raise the bar and never let it down because of bruthas swag(nice car, clothes anything material that is … Read Moresuppose to be hot)…those things have never made me excited…always demand respect and you will get it or just move on no need to cry over spilled milk…good luck on being found by your Duval Denzel…
Thats sum real shit, but there are SUM real men out there , where i dont now but i feel like they do exisit. It hard out here for a real women to get a man that can equal or double what she already have and i have learned that the hard way. They gone have ham and my burger, or ketcup no mustard…its always something, but i know … Read Morethat prayer changes thangs….God is a wise God that sits high and looks low, and he will send us who he wants us to have when he is ready not when we are ready….so i have learned to be patient and wait…ya i might talk to people but i try to govern my feeling until i feel like they are liking more and just as much as i like them…but i think in time all things will come to those who wait and wait on GOD….those are my thoughts on a lil sum’in sum’in i b thinking….
CORRECTION: it was to say ‘I CAN GET DICK IF I CAN’T GET NO SLEEP’ (Miss Mrs) i just realize that was off *laughs* thanks…
But actually i’ve never been the type female look for a guy in the club, cause thats exactly where he’s gonna always be if you get in a relationship with him..And TECHNICALLY when you go out LOOKING for a mate,then thats when you end up getting EXACTLY what you looked for..So my DICKtionary of men are basiclly random guys i meet while out somewhere..(ex) events,stores,hell met one in the nail shop *laughs*..
Funny thing he sat right next to me and we we’re getting pedicures together &he had the sexiest harry legs and we begin to conversate once we heard yall GHETTO cousins talkin bout they baby daddy’s & nem *smh*..N-E-Whoooo so yeah those basic ones you meet out are still the ones assume sex is a given afta a while..hell i rarely go out on dates much anymore cause i be assumin THIS one gone be like the rest where-in i just may be passin up that cool,hangout dude i’m looking for..
I LOVE EVERYONE’S RESPONSES! I APPRECIATE IT, YALL KEEP THE COMMENTS COMING..THANX FOR THE LUV FAMILY!!
*****TREACHEROUS******* The Movie Spring 2010
Dear Ms POPULAR!!!!!!!
How in the world are you getting so many comments?!?!?!? Oh yeah it because this article effin rocked:) hahahaha
I think that sometimes the good guys are hard to find because we might be magnets for the bad ones….I know when it comes to good versus evil I rather like the excitement with the evil, even if in the long run i get hurt.
I love your article, cant wait for the next one:)
XOXOXOXOX
CHICA
OOOOHHHHHH MS SHAN!!!!
Y are u doing this to me….(are you inside of my brain..? lol)
I feel the exact same way and I’ll be damned if this article wasnt speaking directly to my exact situation.!!
GREAT PIECE!!!! LOVED EVERY BIT OF IT!!!!
Why thanx Mr Nelson… Good to know there are men that feel the same… Thanx for Blessin my blog also..
Do share a bit of your situation insight with me..I want that male perspective if you will
HAHAHAHA!! lol
I can’t give you that male perspective u may be asking for. Im actually in agreeance with you. I am gay so I too am asking where did the good men go….
Whats even sadder, is the fact men have become losers across the board all together whether gay or straight. Its funny to me when I hear women talkin amongst themselves or even with me…and they list the multitude of reasons of “what is wrong with men” or “Where did the good men go” and gay seems to be one of the answers….Im always like nope….even the gay men are losers as well. I love to eat at the Japanese steakhouse too!! lol.. Do u think I can get one of these cheap asses to pay 20 dollars a plate? and hell what if my fat ass want 2 plates? and a supa-sized drink? The tab come back and these niggas clenchin they hearts…flappin they gums about a 60-70 dollar bill..lmao….No Melting Pot, Charthouse, Ruthcris….none of that….only the coupons that come in the Mint magazine….
I think men just need to go back to the drawing board…..and come up with a new game plan….lol…we just dont make men like we used too…and I think its bcuz we have all these dead beat dads who dont set good examples for the children (especially if they have little boys)…they are not showing them what a man is supposed to be about and its sad that the only examples that are out there are these sad ass excuses for rappers who are raving about the street life and “we dont love them hoes..”
Yeah….men just need to go back to the drawing board….
I really like this article because I am a married man but sometimes I wonder what standards are women holding brothers to these days. Your article helps me understand what going on in the dating scene and it sounds like alot has changed. Now don’t get me wrong back in the day we also had the brothers who short changed the women that they were interested in however the woman held them accountable for it. That song titled “You got to have a J.O.B if you wanna be with me” came out around the time when I was courting the ladies. Yeah I was happy at the time because that song didn’t apply to me like it did with some of brothers that I hung out with. I was young but I had a job and taking care of business.
Thanks Moonlight, and glad you enjoyed my article..
I’m loving all the comments everyone is leaving..It interesting to see all the different yet similarites of in views on this subject.
But i really appreciate all the men sharing their views..and you clearly said something i’ve heard another gentlemen say is
**WHAT STANDARDS ARE WOMEN HOLDING MEN TO THESE DAYS**
And as for me afta already experiencing certain situations in life thus far..I am subject to an expectation of WANTING MORE & thats not to say i’m giving OUTRAGEOUS requirements, its basiclly sayin I’VE BEEN THRU THE HEARTACHE,DRAMA,BS,LIES,SCHEMES,ABUSE,etc,..& I DONT WANT THAT ANYMORE SO NEXT!!!!!!!!
LAVARIS you have me rollin…So you want Japanese Steakhouse also huh?!?..
And my apologies on the mis-info,however i do respect your position luv *winks* &
Glad you enjoyed the read…And i loved yours as well…
Be Encouraged & Keep doing your thing luv ~MuAh~
Where have all the men gone, that’s a good question? Men are still stuck in their adolescent phase of life. They can be going on 40 and still try to be a 20 year old. They have lived their youth but still want to chase skirts. When a man meets a good woman he does not know how to act he treats her a another conquest, rather than a potential mate. It’s not about how many women you screw but rather who do you want to take that ultimate plunge with, who you want to look at in the morning or who do you want to share your ideals and dreams with. Men can’t grow older and wiser without first growing up. I think when they reach that frame of mind it will make them a potential catch for a real woman looking for a real man.
Men try and find the ones who put out first or whom they feel they can manipulate the quickest. If you are not an easy target they do not want you. Whatever happened to being up for a challenge, men want it to easy nowadays. It’s unfortunate that a man can’t see past his own self and reach for a goal more higher than his dick! It was a time where woman would give up the nookie and use pussy power for a man, now it’s not about her head game but his…mental that is. I would rather have a strong determined man who wants more rather than one who can offer 5 minutes of what pleasure he can give and nothing else. Time for playing games is over.We are women we want more we demand more, why shouldn’t a man want the same.
In conclusion a man should ask himself this:What do I really want out of this lifetime and do I really want a woman not just a playmate!
WORD UP SHELBE: WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE IT & SO TRUE… I MYSELF LOVE A GOOD CHALLENGE FROM A MAN..IF I COME ON TO A MAN ‘which is rare” CAUSE THEY DONT GIVE ME TIME *laughs*…BUT THE ONES I DO & IF THEY GIVE ME HARD TIME/ CHALLENGE ME , THATS A MAJOR TURN ON TO ME..
I dont think the men went anywhere.men treat woman the way they carry themselves.And thats not to say your carrying yourself in a whoreish way Ms Shan,but most time men do react off things a woman has said or a reactions he has given.Now i’m not excusing the fact yes some men are just loosers to even think that sex is an automatic given as you say,i agree that a woman she feel comfortable enough to wanna share her body with A MAN and not a LOOSER.
What’z up cuz.
I now see what you are talking about. The guy who I just recently went to lunch went gave me a rude awaking. He informed me that when a man tells me he’s interested it’s only in 1 thing. So don’t go get your hopes up thinking that he wants to get to know you. That’s time he don’t have time to waste when it’s the booty investment has no return.
Wow!!!! I guess you will say bout time you read my stuff…..
Its been so long since I have been on a date I’m not even sure if I am doing it right or even looking for the right things. I guess it may just be meant for me to be alone for awhile cause I refuse to lower my standards on what I will and will not accept from a potential guy. If I am willing to give you 100 why cant I get the same. Dont just think cause I got my stuff that that entitles you to think that you are on the come up!!!!! I never have nor will I ever be anyones SPONSOR!!!!
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